Oh. Oh, you're serious. You're really proposing that I might want to change my lifestyle to win the approval of you, a person I literally have never met. Well, this is awkward. You see, the thing is --
Oh, I see: you're super into P90X and you just want to make sure we have a lot in common. Well, of course, that makes sense. Compatibility is key, isn't it? I'll tell you what, let's talk about travel or cooking or books or family or ethics or ... No? You really want to make sure we have fitness, specifically, in common. Well now I confess I'm a bit confused -- I already told you I don't work out. And while I might in the future ... well, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but whether I did or not, you see, it isn't really about you. Not that you're not a fellow human being worthy of respect and dignity, but -- you're a stranger. And honestly, even if we had exchanged more than a handful of lines of chat online, decisions about my health, budgeting my leisure, and even just what I care to do with my time on earth are deeply personal. In the end, I'm very much afraid I'll have to suit myself in these matters, as I'm the only one who ever can or will live life as me. You understand, I hope.
What's that? I'm very pretty, but it's a shame to let my body go to waste? Well, thank you for the ... part of that that was a compliment. Always nice to get a compliment. And as for my body going to waste, aren't you kind to be concerned! But please let me reassure you: I use my body all the time. I cook with it and eat and sleep with it. I use it to go out with friends, or stay in and watch Cheers reruns. It's taken me to the base camp of Everest and around the ruins of Angkor Wat; it's kissed the Blarney Stone and listened to the Vienna Boys Choir sing mass. It holds babies and vacuums carpets and waters the little herb garden on my balcony. I use my body every moment of the day, really, and in general it performs admirably to whatever task I desire. So nice to be young and healthy and able-bodied, no? Really a privilege. Thank you for reminding me.
Hmm? Do I believe that exercise is good for you, you ask? Well, I think that's a pretty universally acknowledged truth, isn't it? I'm no expert, but that's my understanding. Then again, I believe we can most of us agree that staying informed with world events is good for you, and maintaining loving friendships, and taking care of your family, in whatever form it may take. Volunteering and generally working to make the world a better place, absolutely good for the soul. Reading classic literature, and studying diverse fields of study -- a little more old-fashioned, but still, if one has the opportunity, a boon. There are so many good things one can do for oneself, aren't there? One could hardly hope to do all of them, really, in one lifetime. As ever, one must prioritize. But these are champagne problems, are they not? Whether to read through the Greek philosophers or mimic a more Olympian Greek ideal? Truly, we are both of us blessed to have the option. (Really, this whole conversation has done wonders for my gratefulness -- I really have to thank you.)
I'm sounding a bit defensive, you say? You surprise me, sir. I generally think of defensiveness as as an attempt to shut down an argument when one hasn't a leg to stand on. When one knows, or at least senses on some level, that one is in the wrong, but can't bring oneself to acknowledge it. Are you familiar with the experience? It's laughable, isn't it, what people will do to avoid admitting error. Changing the subject! Accusing the other side of ignorance or irrationality! Resorting to stereotypes that won't bear the slightest bit of scrutiny! A truly sad, small kind of response to an argument -- and if you say I've skirted close to it, I must thank you again, for rescuing me from that kind of embarrassment. I shall have to think back over our discussion and think where I might have erred. Always nice to have friends willing to make a kind correction. Like the sage said, "Whoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence." Words to live by, words to live by.
Oh, dear. I seem to have hit the block button, and now our stimulating little discourse has been cut short. What a shame. Ah, well; it was useful while it lasted. We never did get around to discussing those other possible common interests, though, books and movies and travel and food and whatnot. Perhaps one of the hundreds of thousands of other men on this site alone will want to chat about those ...
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| My body performing three of my favorite activities: traveling (to Beijing), eating (Peking duck) and hanging out with friends and family. Really a marvelously useful tool, my body. |
*Yes, this is a response to a real guy who really, truly said every one of these things to me, verbatim. And he packed them all into one ten-minute conversation! In between asking if I was bootilicious and if I would have sex with a guy I was only dating short-term! Really some efficient douchebaggery. And you know what? I would bet cash money that he doesn't think of himself as a misogynist.
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